How to get cancer in 5 easy Steps

I found this the other day - Here is the Introduction

How to give yourself cancer in five easy steps

Following with our ever-popular series on "How to Get Disease," this article discusses how to give yourself a raging case of cancer. It could be breast cancer, colon cancer, prostate cancer or even something like leukemia. By following the instructions in this article, you can give yourself almost any form of cancer desirable and if you pursue these strategies to their fullest potential, you could end up with several different forms of cancer all at once. So, let's get started and learn how to give yourself cancer.

If you're aiming for a raging case of cancer, the first thing you've got to do is start consuming food ingredients that actually promote cancer. One of the most powerful cancer-promoting food ingredients of all is called sodium nitrate. This is an ingredient that is added to virtually all packaged meat products including hot dogs, pepperoni, ham, lunchmeat and other similar products. You'll also find it in bacon, sausages and most breakfast meats. It's listed right on the ingredients labels of all of these foods. In order to find sodium nitrate, all you have to do is walk around the grocery store, read the ingredients labels of various packaged meat products and purchase those products that contain it. Then, consume them on a frequent basis and before long, you will greatly increase your odds of being diagnosed with cancer.

There are other ingredients that are suspected of causing cancer. These include hydrogenated oils, aspartame, saccharin and artificial colors, to name a few. A diet that is very high in refined carbohydrates has also been clinically shown to increase your odds of being diagnosed with cancer, so be sure to get plenty of these foods in your pro-cancer diet. That means chowing down on white bread, sweetened breakfast cereals, white fluffy pancakes, candy bars, granola bars, cookies, crackers and sweets of all kinds.

The next thing you can do to give yourself cancer is one of the more obvious things: take up a smoking habit. The more you smoke, the more likely you are to get cancer, especially if you're eating cancer-causing foods and ingredients as discussed above. By smoking, you will multiply the carcinogenic effect of everything else in your life. Before long, you will succeed in your goal at being diagnosed with cancer.

technorati tags:Health, Diet, Cancer, Food

Comments

[erika]

Damnit. Thank god I discovered how good whole wheat bread actually tastes with cheddar cheese. (I think I convinced myself of it when I finally stopped denying the uselessness of white bread.)

It absolutely pisses me off that I CANNOT find ANY packaged meat that doesn't contain sodium nitrate. Whether it's smoked or not, it's in there, and my boyfriend wonders why it's so bad when it says "sodium" in it. It's like carbon dioxide versus carbon monoxide. It's all about combinations, and that's another issue.

A friend told me today that a man she knew who led a very natural life and ate strictly organic (but lived in Greater Vancouver, BC) died with cancer consuming his entire body. If things are only getting worse, I'd hate to think how my fellow Vancouverites will be dying in 10 years.

[Manfred McMasters]

Thank you for the wonderful information! Now I can go get cancer and die like the rest of the obese people in America! Woohoo! Hot dogs for everyone!

But seriously, is there a way to just buy wholesale quantities of sodium nitrate to inject into my bloodstream? RSVP if so.

[BILL]

I have cancer and look forward to a long road and death but I think good food will make the journey nicer.

[lisa-the grape freak]

My mom thinks I am nuts for purchasing raw milk, beef from the butcher, lots of fruits and veggies (okay, she does not think I am nuts for that part) but all in all, I pay a higher grocery bill for my family's health which (for my family) means healthier habits, a blessed life, and less junk food that is kept. My mom's friend passed the mark of being cancer free for two years, my brother battled caner in which as a sibling I could get! More than ever am I vigilant over what we eat. It sounds like a broken record folks, but we can not place to high a mark on our own or families health. Thanks for the site!

Yes, I do LOVE grapes!

[jess]

i really do want cancer again. i've had it once and it was a bitch. but it's too hard to get back on track with life. thanks for the advice.

[anonymous]

i really do want cancer
live seems hard
and i cant see growing old
i can only see the option of dieing
its been stuck in my head for years

[i wish]

I really wish you have the magic bullet to have a fatal disease. Death is something I pray for on a daily basis.

[Ak47]

I wish it was easier to get cancer, cuz i want to get cancer and die.

[martin]

yeah i want cancer too.too wimpy to blow my head out so some nice leukemia or something similar would come as a blessing.but i guess witht the luck i am having i will live to be 100 years.

[Natalie]

Hah it's kinda funny. My life isn't bad in the slightest and I have an awesome family-good grades-etc.. but I really want cancer. I'm not to keen on the smoking one [since I tried but I hate the taste of the stuff] So I'ma aim on the food. If there are any easier ways to get cancer please don't be afraid to contact.

[anon]

i'm depressed right now and i just google how to get cancer. and this is the first link. i really have no idea what i am living for.

[Dory]

I found this page pretty much the same way the person above me did. I'm not depressed though. I don't like the smoking idea, but eating these foods won't get me cancer quick enough.

[BlueDays]

Thanks man. Life is lonely for me. I have a birthmark on my face. Family is a disaster. So I always wanted to have cancer and always wanted to know how. Life is really unfair.

[Kristine]

Like the rest, I'd do anything for cancer. On TV specials about the people it looks like so much fun with all the media attention they get. Awesome way for instant fame! What a way to get a free trip to somewhere too. I'd love to be a candidate for the goods the Sunshine Foundation gives away to people with terminal illnesses. I once got so jealous of see kids get trips that I got a credit card and bought myself my own trip to Las Vegas for a few days. True it's not Disneyland but hey, I'm not 7.

[Emma]

My husband died at the age of 30 from pancreatic cancer, its been 1 year, and to be honest I think about it everyday, wishing I had it too so I could go.. i hate life now..

[BEcca]

Hey, for all you perverts who want cancer--if you want the attention so bad, just go streaking through the streets naked.

You're all sick and twisted to WANT cancer.

Oh, and Manfred McMasters: Sodium Nitrate is SALT. It's called sarcasm...

[Nick]

He who feel it knows it buddy. I f you don't understand how these people feel you should shut your mouth. I feel their pain. You can't tell people how to feel. Try walking in someone else's shoes some time!

[BEcca]

Yeah, and you should try walking in the shoes of a cancer patient. Ever think of that? It's not all glam and glory, complete opposite. I bet everyone here would go wailing into a wallow of self pity after their first MRI...quit trying to justify your plea for attention by claiming "understanding". If you can't understand why you're a creeper for wanting cancer, you obviously could never wrap your mind around what the reality of having cancer is like. Go fuck a dog or something.

[Katie]

I agree with the anonymous person. Why live? People bully me and won't leave me alone. I work hard every day and people still hate me. I go to work to do my job and I am blamed for everything. I hope I do get cancer. And mark my words, I WILL NOT do anything to stop it or try to beat it.

[Katie]

I agree with the anonymous person. Why live? People bully me and won't leave me alone. I work hard every day and people still hate me. I go to work to do my job and I am blamed for everything. I hope I do get cancer. And mark my words, I WILL NOT do anything to stop it or try to beat it.

[Katie]

I agree with the anonymous person. Why live? People bully me and won't leave me alone. I work hard every day and people still hate me. I go to work to do my job and I am blamed for everything. I hope I do get cancer. And mark my words, I WILL NOT do anything to stop it or try to beat it.

[chuks]

sry lads but some of u who are slaughtering these folks for wanting cancer are wrong. They have valid reasons not to live and something like suicide is just a nutjob case. You may have experience of people who have cancer and want to live but have you thought of those who do not want to live? You will never understand the pain it is and to be honest the way the world is at the moment, i dont really want to live either. A few months ago i was happy but now i agree, its pointless and if there is another way to get it, i shall try

[Rick]

I already have cancer. I like it so much. I just want to get more. So thanks for all the good information.

[coco]

oh that sounds great...I already smoke like a chimney, and I don't watch what I eat...I eat so unhealthy..I'm only 20 and my mom keeps telling me to quit smoking before I get cancer, well I tell her I hope I do get cancer so I don't have to live this miserable life anymore...hopefully I do get cancer, and I won't do anything to treat it....I may have a chance for diabetes since its genetic
I really hate living, it's so painful...and I don't know how I will kill myself...I'd rather have people sympathize my death
killing myself would make me look like a suicidal coward

[Ricky]

I don't know why I looked up how to get cancer. I hate my life just as much as some of you do, but there has to be another way out of it, and although, let's except it, life does suck for a lot of people, we can't just try to kill ourselves in a "peaceful" manner. Pain is pain, whether your dealing with it in a cancerous state or not. I feel for everyone who has visited this, and wants to end there lives the most simplest of ways. Good Luck to everyone who wants cancer, but I hope you die and then regret not getting to enjoy the hell out of life.