(Leroy Sievers blogging at his home)
Leroy Sievers died this weekend - His blogging about living with and dying from cancer has been such a gift to those of us who are part of that terrible club - the Cancer club.
Part of the gift he gave was permission and a safe place for others to talk. For as Leroy says, while in the end this is a solo journey, it is good to have others who are walking the same road close.
Today we can talk of almost anything without embarrassment. But death has become a taboo. With death a taboo, it is hard to have a good death. In Robin's work in hospice and in her earlier work as a nurse, she found that most dying patients feared upsetting their families so they would pretend that they were getting better. Their families, equally fearing upsetting their mum or dad or brother - would keep up the pretense.
As the families walked down the hall, they would cry releasing all the unsaid beyond the knowledge of the dying person. The dying person would often weep in his room alone having also not said the things that they longed to.
I hope that I can have the courage to have a "good death". A death where I can be real about how I feel and where others can be real with me.
Ironically, Cancer, the ultimate bogeyman, brings with it the opportunity of being fully present. My own father died suddenly in the night. We never had the chance to say to each other some important things.
When Cancer arrived at our door, it brought all the things that we all fear - including the treatment - but it also brought with it a new truth and a new reality. Never again could we deny that death awaited us. One of us will of course bury the other. The only surprises will be the date and who goes first - I choose me!
Leroy's gift is that he allowed so many to share a safe place to come to terms with this the greatest journey that we all face. Did he go a large step beyond having a Good Death? Did he not allow many more to do the same?
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