A Fulfilled Woman?

Carly or Pamela?

"Who is Pamela?" You may ask. Pamela Harriman was one of the most influential women of the 20th century. You still haven't heard of her. Well that was part of her power. She was the consummate insider.

As a young woman, she was known for her beauty. But she was so much more than that. Without a formal education, she became known for her mind. She was at the centre of power in both the UK and the US in her 20's and thirties and never relinquished her influence on the most powerful people of her time.

Having begun life in genteel poverty, she became very wealthy. Having been a figure of scandal, she became a major force in American Politics. Having been a significant force in the Clinton election, she astounded her critics by becoming an exceptional US Ambassador to France.  She died, still active in mind and in body, while swimming in the pool, at the Ritz in Paris. Over 1,000 people came to her funeral at the Washington National Cathedral.

So how did she do this? Well she was a Courtesan. Not a prostitute. A Courtesan.

So what's a Courtesan? You wouldn't like to be called one would you?

This is the first chapter in a short series that will make the case that being a Courtesan may be a role that a truly modern, post industrial woman may aspire to. That is if she wants to become economically self-sufficient, psychologically independent, personally powerful and attached to a steadfast group of lifelong devoted friends who are both men and women.

We will discover together the secrets of the courtesan and see how this life can work today. You will see, I hope, that their ability to create a Trusted Space emerges as a critical role in the development of their relationships and in their own lives.

We will visit Veronica Franco who lived in Venice in the mid 16th century, a poet and author and a mistress of a King of France. We will drop by and meet Emilie de Chatelet, mistress of Voltaire and maybe the most brilliant woman physicist whose translation of Newton's Principia, remains the current best French text today.  We will look more deeply into the remarkable life of Madame de Pompadour, mistress to Louis XV, back room ruler of France and devoted friend of the Queen. We will spend time with Madame de Stael, mistress of Talleyrand, who was the power behind much of literature in the Napoleonic era.

It is my great joy that I take this journey with my best pal, my sister Diana, whose own life has been the life of a courtesan. We will bounce back through time as we meet her honoured predecessors and see how her own life has mirrored theirs.

Here she is, aged 23,  as she  steps out into this life. Here in her own words is how she sees this life:-

Courtesans don't make men lose their heads, they are not Helen of Troy.

They gain the man's everlasting respect, re: Talleyrand returning to Germaine every time he was in trouble.  She was Necker's daughter, but more interesting than that was her mother.  Also Swiss, and she had been engaged to Gibbon.  A pastor's daughter, she was well educated and did much to advance her husband's career. 

She had a great salon on Fridays where she entertained all the most influential men of the time,  Germaine, grew up in the centre of a very elite group of people
and women. 

Her father was a brilliant forward thinking financial man. So from both sides she inherited something far more precious than looks.

Looks are transient.  A beautiful woman becomes a faded beauty, something sad to behold.

A clever, witty and kind woman ages without her age being noticed, and she, has maturity, and good sense and  a great deal to offer younger women and she knows well her time has passed and she loves nothing more than to pass on her experience to a
younger intelligent woman she respects.

Age is no obstacle for her.  She has no need of plastic surgery because she takes on her new role as grand dame with great relief.

She has had many men and many experiences, and she is happy to live with her memories and move forward with her personal interests.  She does not need to diet because she is now fulfilled by things that feed her mind. Her pleasure of the body has been replaced by the utter pleasure of all things interesting to her. 

She sleeps alone and comfortably.  She leaves the fretting of love and not love to younger
women.  She has no more of those thoughts to cloud her mind and take away her sleep.  She is comfortable with herself.

Her old lovers if still alive, remain faithful to her in their minds, and look back with a certain amount of sadness, but also they are grateful to her for all that she brought to them.  They do not think of her as someone who has broken their heart, but as someone they shared a relationship, that was probably the most special relationship of their lives.

I am very happy with my age and all that goes with it.  I have been totally fulfilled as a woman. 

Menopause for me has been wonderful.  I have embraced being a grand mother, and feel no loss of my previous sexuality.  All my fantasies have been fulfilled.  I have loved and been loved, and am still loved by my darling Geoff, who leads a life of total freedom, since I am very absorbed with my own interests, and yet we have our moments during the day when we chat. 

He has no curfew, nor any chores.  He lives a life that he wants to.  He works and then comes home to do all the things he likes. 

No rules, no my way of doing things.  He can drop his clothes on the floor leave his dishes on the floor.  He lives just as he wants.  He gives me money to pay for his needs and that is that. 

He has total freedom. He does not have to attend any party, or function.  He is a man with a woman at his side, who demands nothing of him, but he has that comfort when he needs it and he has food to eat and he has his meals prepared. There are no times for meals just when he wants to eat.

I have no duties either.  Total freedom of my spare time.

Please join Di and I as we travel through time and her life and explore the secrets of the Life of the Courtesan

1. Chapter 1 - The mind - The Core of Courtesanship - Being well educated versus going to school
2. Chapter 2 -  Sex - The art of being really loving rather than making love
3. Chapter 3 - Husbands/Mates, Fellowship and Fidelity - Going beyond the body to the whole person
4. Chapter 4 - Post Modern Relationships - Return to Hunter Gatherer Society
5. Chapter 5 - The Kingdom - The underlying contract with nature and with Our Nature

Comments

[Jill]

Very interesting. Courtesans have always been appealing to me. It's a role you can relax into rather than fight for. Pam before Carly.
I'll be reading with interest.

[Robert Paterson]

Mu sister arrives this weekend and we will get started. We have also been looking at the patterns for the typical male partner. While usually very prominent, most have had at best distant mothers.

It is emerging that as well as having the mind of a man, her intellect and her ability to converse as a man being the long game value of the relationship, the best courtesans also "Mothered" their men - they cherished them and made them feel loved.

We have also noticed that in the bedroom they created a Trusted Space where the man felt also cherished and loved and where the performance side of the fear was put to rest.

It's all about attitude - they enter the bedroom as lovers not atheletes

Thanks Jill for your encouragement

[The English Courtesan]

Thank you Robert and Diana for such an insightful read.

You have hit the nail of the head completely with the concept of a 'Trusted Space' and also by highlighting the importance of intellect, the ability to converse like a man, and taking the care and time to cherish and look after those who seek our company.

These things are at the core of what the best courtesans do, which is to make great men, and sometimes women, feel cared for. Our clients are not at all people who 'need' to pay for sex, but more often powerful men and women, upon whom the loneliness of Alexander weighs heavy. As you will know, Alexander had conquered the world yet he wept at having noone to share it with, and our clients often have a touch of that sadness too.

The word 'love' is often seen as a dirty one in this context, yet I believe that is what we do - we become immensely fond of our clients and we allow them to be themselves, without rules or expectations, in their own 'Trusted Space'.

I can't wait to hear the rest and thank you again for a fascinating read,

Livvy xxx

[Robert Paterson]

I will have chapter 1 done Sunday
Thrilled to have you find me Livvy
I was at Oxford from 1969 - 72 (Ch Ch) when were you there?

[The English Courtesan]

Ooooh, this is splendid news Robert - I very much look forward to reading Chapter 1!

I might have known you were a Christ Church man, as that would explain why you write so well. Ah, lovely Christ Church, I have spent many happy hours in the Picture Gallery there (not to mention being told off by the Bowler Hats for drunken debauchery as an undergrad in Tom Quad)... :-)

Alas I couldn't say when I was there in case the media hounds are snooping but I promise to tell you in private one day... ;-)

Livvy xxx

[Robert Paterson]

How exciting!

[The English Courtesan]

Do we have a publication date yet Robert? I will be looking out for your book with immense interest as I have yet to read a post that so aptly distills the essence of a courtesan's skills. Let me know when it's published, and I will be delighted to post a review of it on my blog.

Your sister Di is simply stunning - her photo positively glows. Her writing too is inspirational and I can well imagine that age has been kind to her - I truly believe that women such as she, with grace and kindness, never lose their charm. I wish her well in all she does and I shall await your book with bated breath...

Livvy xxx

[Robert Paterson]

What a sweet comment Livvy

I have passed it on directly to Di - I suspect that the two of you will get on like a house on fire.

Di and I are in the planning phase right now. I hope that we can use the posts as an entree for a publisher. We have several more chapters to go.

We see the book as a blend of biography and auto biography. A Series on each of the historic women - Emilie, Germaine etc with chapters about Diana and commentary about the lessons that this kind of life offers all people. Interwoven as well - we have found many of the patterns for the men too. Most have had very distant mothers and have retreated into the mind. In effect they are reborn by their relationships with special women.

This has been my experience too - so Di and I also are not only writing about others but also ourselves.

We hope to end with the idea that we seek completion as humans. People that help us become whole become the most important people in our lives. So in this context, the courtesan and her lover are the sacred marriage that births them both.

Do these ideas track your experience?

[The English Courtesan]

Thank you Robert! I am so pleased you have sent my comments on to Di for they are heartfelt.

The idea of blending biography and autobiography is a fascinating one. I've read books of both genres, but never one that has interlaced the two, so I think that's a brilliant concept. From a publisher's point of view, I also think it's a much more appealing and innovative concept than either of the genres alone. There are several books on the market that are either confessional autobiographies, historical biographies or part fictionalised histories of courtesans, but I am not aware of any book that does what you're suggesting, so I really do think you will be able to add something new to the topic.

I'm also struck by how well you grasp the concept of a courtesan. These days the lines between call girl, escort, and courtesan have become blurred. That is a separate debate, but thanks to Diana's experience, you seem to understand perfectly. Being a courtesan in the true sense is not degrading. On the contrary, and as Diana expresses sop lyrically, it is ultimately fulfilling and empowering. I don't mean just financially either but spiritually too - it is indeed a special and sacred relationship where both parties find what they need.

I'm intrigued too by what you say about the men following as much of a pattern as the women, and that's certainly true in my experience to date. None of my clients have spoken about their mothers, but most have certainly experienced a lack of love from women, often those to whom they are married. They look after their women in every way, yet they themselves are often sadly neglected, at least emotionally. That is where their need to feel loved and cherished comes in.

One thing I've noticed is that for whatever reason, these powerful men seem to marry 'down'. That's a horrible phrase and I don't mean it unkindly, but they marry women who are not their intellectual equals, often those who are in low grade caring professions.

These are women with whom they have little in common intellectually or emotionally and who usually stop work as soon as they marry and then become mothers and homemakers. I don't judge those women, in that we all find our own path, and I think being a mother and homemaker can be immensely rewarding in opther ways. Yet when the wife 'settles down' like this, it leaves their men increasingly alienated - the woman they chose as a mother for their children is not a partner on an equal level or a soulmate and that is where a courtesan comes in.

It's not that I see us as superior to wives, and in fact I don't see a man's relationship with a courtesan as incompatible with his marriage. Yet we offer something different that they don't get at home, just as the wives offer them the joys of parenthood and a happy and secure family and home environment, which they don't get with us. You are so right that it is a role of completion and symbiosis in every sense, with the men themselves but also, strange though it might sound, with their wives too.

I shall keep all my fingers and toesies crossed for your success with publishers - this is a book that truly deserves to be published (and you have at least one avid reader before you've started writing it)...

Livvy xxx

[Robert Paterson]

Thanks for the encouragement Livvy. It means a lot. A lifetime of hesitation to overcome.

All you say rings such a bell!

Di and I intend to get going on this next month. I have a lot of business travel in the way first.

Best wishes
Rob

[Gillette]

Hello, Robert- Livvy sent me your link but I had stopped by for a visit just the week before, having found you on a Technorati search for Courtesan.

I look forward with eager anticipation for your continued chapters here. I, like Livvy, think your book will do splendidly.

Thanks for writing about this topic!

[Robert Paterson]

Dear Gillette
Thank you so much for your encouragment. I have to admit to a bit of a thrill that you and Livvy enjoy this. I will do my best to make the rest of the work as good as I can.

My hope is that we can use the stories of the Courtesans in history, with where life and culture are going today to see if a new pattern for relationships between men and women can be understood. Of course a lot of this also extends from Diana and my own lives.

My hunch is that we will end up back in the pre agricultural past of the Goddess - where in a gathering/hunting culture, property was not central and hence women and children could not be chattels. Where the one certainty was who the mother was and where men and women were linked truly from the heart and the mind. Where value was the central contract and where both were connected and yet also free - a paradox.

If I am right, then we will end up describing the kind of relationships that men and women had for millions of years - our natural connection.

I will so enjoy hearing yours and Livvy's take on this.

Sorry about being so slow but earning a living is getting in the way a bit.

[Consummate Courtesan]

Hi, I came across your site. The book sounds so very interesting and I was wondering if you were still working on it. Would love to read more.

Genevieve

[Robert Paterson]

I regret that life has got in the way and Diana and I have not made any further progress - Now I feel quite guilty - thanks for your encouragement

I should get back to this
Best wishes Rob

[Consummate Courtesan]

Thanks for your response and I hope that you do. Let me know if you need help as I would love to contribute.

[Kim]

This post is incredibly powerful to me, I've been studying the courtesans arts for over 15 years and admire your insight.

[Robert Paterson]

Thanks Kim - funny how like minds find each other on the web now